Deathmatch! Bambi vs Godzilla
by D.Marth
Summary: In which Bambi meets Godzilla and they have a fight to the death.    Wait, what?


Hi everybody, this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. Please tell me what you think, criticism is welcome, et cetera. Leave a review if you feel like it, would you kindly?

Disclaimer: I probably don't own anything here, including, but not limited to Godzilla, Bambi, the Pentagon, and so on and so forth.

**D.M.**

**Deathmatch! Godzilla vs. Bambi**

It was a fine, peaceful spring day. And deep in the Generic Unspoiled Forest Untouched by ManTM (GUFUM) was Bambi. Bambi thought it would be a quiet, ordinary day. Yes, it certainly looked like Bambi was in for his obligatory Normal, Peaceful Day Where Nothing Out of the Ordinary Occurs.

As Bambi lowered his head to nibble the rich, fragrant grass, his sharp ears picked up a distant rumble. He leapt to attention, ready to flee at the first sign of trouble, his ears cocked waiting for any sign of ManTM. And there, there it was again. And again. There seemed to be a certain rhythm to it, almost like… footsteps. The sound, so low you could almost miss it, grew louder and more frequent, as if what was making the noise was coming closer. And there, so loud it nearly toppled the GUFUM, came the bloodcurdling roar.

"Kiiiiirnnn!" And there towering over the tree line was….. _Gojira_!

Yes, Godzilla, King of Monsters, the scourge of all Tokyo, stood tall and powerful, roaring down at poor, helpless Bambi.

**D.M.**

The fire crackled on the hearth as the snow fell lightly down, carpeting the city. A layer of snow just perfect for the neighborhood kids to turn into snowmen and snowballs to throw at poor passersby and harass them, with the passersby reduced to angry shouting and pointing fingers in the knowledge that children cannot be tried for assault or harassment and murder is a crime, more so when inflicted on children.

The man stirred in his chair as he sat in front of the fire, warming his hands by the cozy blaze and sipping a hot cup of cocoa. He turned and looked behind him.

"Uh, hi, bet you're wondering what's going on. Why's Bambi fighting Godzilla? What's Godzilla doing in the GUFUM? How does any of this even make sense? Well, I'm here to inform you that I'm totally insane, and probably high on something. That is the only justification you are going to get for the existence of this story." As the man finished, there was a knock on the door.

"Who are you talking to in there?" demanded an irate voice.

"Oh, just the nice little people visiting from Mars," said the man with a careless wave of the hand.

"Stop talking to thin air and be normal for once!" If anything, the voice outside sounded even more vexed at the explanation. With that, the sound of footsteps could be heard stomping away from the door.

"Nobody understands me," complained the man in a low tone as he turned back to the warmth of the fire.

**D.M.**

Now, where were we? Oh, yes, Bambi and Godzilla.

Godzilla gave a giant roar to announce his presence. At the sight of the giant radioactive mutant iguana-dinosaur, Bambi bolted for the safety of the forest. He rushed frantically through the forest, dashing past the familiar twists and turns, hoping, praying that he would get far enough into the forest that he could lose the newfound predator in the maze of trees. Unfortunately, such tactics, while practical against Man'sTM occasional foray into the forest to hunt, shoot, and basically kill the Cute Woodland CreaturesTM, were useless against the ultimate kaiju. As Godzilla took a great big step, the thunderous impact could be felt for miles around. One step covered what would have taken Bambi several minutes to traverse.

Bambi continued to run as fast as his legs could carry him, hoping to elude Godzilla. So heartwarming, so desperate, so futile. No matter how fast Bambi could run, it was pointless to run from a creature like Godzilla. But Bambi tried anyway, against all odds. He kept on going, refusing to give up or lie down in the face of certain death.

Of course he was dead, why do you ask?

The chase continued until at last, the animator stood up and stretched and realized that Bambi had no hope in sight, Godzilla was still chasing him, there seemed to be no way for Bambi to survive other than a poorly written and badly implemented deus ex machina, and therefore, wondered why he, the animator, was still alive. The animator checked his pulse, then put a hand to his chest to make doubly certain. No, everything's perfectly fine, no danger of fatal heart attacks that would end the chase scene and give Bambi a means to live. The animator simply shrugged, chocked it off to trope aversion, and carried out his business.

So, Bambi ran, fleeing from Godzilla's wrath with no hope in sight. Was all hope lost?

**D.M.**

Bob and Joe had finished another long day at the nuclear power plant nestled deep in the Generic Unspoiled Forest. Their shift was over, time to head back to town, get some beer, get horrendously drunk, go home in a drunken stupor, get home, puke their guts out, keel over in the kitchen, sleep it off, wake up with the mother of all hangovers just in time to get ready for work. Yes, indeed, just another regular day.

"Hey Bob." Said Joe.

"Yeah Joe." Answered Bob.

"Who make a power plant in the middle of a forest in the middle of nowhere?" asked Joe.

"The same guy who signs our paychecks, that's who," answered Bob.

"But what's the point of making a power plant, let alone nuclear, in the middle of a forest?" persisted Joe.

"We are not having a philosophical discussion about a nuclear power plant sitting in the middle of a forest!" declared Bob with an air of finality.

"All I'm saying is there's no point to any of this," said Joe, "All this plant is good for is sitting in the most unlikely location and waiting for something inconceivable to occur and contributing to making the situation more unbelievable." There was a long pause as the words sank in.

"Have you been reading Ed's freaky sci-fi comics again?" demanded Bob.

"No," answered Joe, quickly. Too quickly.

"God, man," muttered Bob, "You've got too many weird ideas in your head. There's nothing wrong with this power plant. Yeah, it's in the middle of the forest, but c'mon. What could possibly go wrong?" And as Bob uttered the ultimate Regrettable Last Words, a deer rushed past the two workers, running blindly any which way. The deer was just able to rush past the two workers and leap into the reactor core, where it would meet a horrible end via the excessive heat and/or radiation from the core. Either that, or be radically altered by the radiation and become a horrific monstrosity that would cause untold misery for humanity as well as horrendous amounts of property damage that would lead to a nightmare of lawsuits and repair bills. Just look what happened to Bruce Banner.

A loud roar shattered the stillness and tranquility as Godzilla loomed over the power plant. And from behind them, coming from the reactor core itself, came another earth-shattering roar promising untold destruction and chaos, as well as something epic for the fanboys to watch.

"Told you so," said Joe smugly.

"Shut up," grumbled Bob.

**D.M.**

Several hours later, at the Pentagon, the U.S. military's top brass were, as usual, debating over the latest threat, real or otherwise, to national security.

In this case, the greatest military leaders in the world were engaged in a fistfight over who would get the last donut.

"Gentlemen, please!" begged the harassed, long suffering Secretary of Defense, "No fighting in the war room!" At that moment, General Donald Fetist pushed open the doors to the war room.

"Gentlemen, we have a new situation," he announced grimly.

"Is there coffee to go with the last donut?" called a voice from somewhere in the room. The general rubbed his temples in a futile attempt to stifle the oncoming migraine.

"No, gentlemen, we have another serious problem," he said, "It would appear that Godzilla has been spotted on the Eastern Seaboard." A collective groan echoed throughout the room as the assembled generals ceased beating each other to listen.

"That's not all," added General D. Fetist, to the concerned whispers of all in earshot. "Apparently there are also reports that Godzilla is locked in battle with a giant, mutated… deer."

"Well, scramble the Air Force! Assemble the army! Dammit man, are you trying to help giant monsters burn this country to the ground?" demanded General Waldo Richard Monger. General D. Fetist sighed morosely and slumped into a chair.

"It's pointless," he said forlornly, "We can't do anything against Godzilla. If Japan, with all its lasers and giant robots, can do nothing to stop Godzilla, what can we do? It's hopeless, we're doomed." General D. Fetist quickly broke down into melancholic brooding as he rocked back in and forth in his chair.

"Right," began General W.R. Monger, "Let's leave General Glum to his 'Prophetic Mutterings of DoomTM and find a way to stop these two freaks from any more chaos. Preferably a way with lots of bombs and explosions."

"God help us. God help us all!" wailed D. Fetist. Everyone else simply chose to ignore his despondency.

"The only way this situation could get any worse is if the end of the world was at hand," muttered General W.R. Monger, "Well, that's not likely to happen any time soon."

**D.M.**

The two titanic monsters had fought ever since Megabambi's emergence from the nuclear power plant's reactor core. Megabambi's exposure heightened his natural deer powers to superdeer levels. He now had the strength and power to battle Godzilla at his peak for hours on end.

Godzilla and Megabambi battled their way across the Midwest all the way to New York. An observant person, who may or may not necessarily have been the world's greatest cynic, might observe that all the interesting things happened in New York. If it wasn't the costumed vigilantes in red, it was the fairy princesses or alien invasions, or the giant monster and/or robot battles, as was the case now.

Godzilla may finally have met his match, in the world's greatest deer. Megabambi could easily match his raw power, as they were powered by the same scientific miracle.

Godzilla gave a terrifying roar, as giant monsters are prone to do, as he swiped his tail at Megabambi. The mighty blow staggered him, but the Dynamic Deer valiantly grasped Godzilla's tail and gave a mighty pull. Godzilla was suddenly pulled back, collapsing on a block of buildings and crushing them into rubble. Megabambi gave a triumphant screech as he stood over Godzilla's fallen body. But it was premature, for the King of Monsters recovered and leapt to his feet, roaring a defiant challenge. Megabambi bellowed in response as the two colossal monsters leapt into battle.

As before, Godzilla struck first, his claws tearing into Megabambi as the other titan cried out in pain. Godzilla pummeled Megabambi mercilessly, driving Megabambi back. Acting on instinct, Megabambi delivered a violent uppercut to Godzilla. Godzilla staggered back, trying to recover from the blow. As Megabambi saw his chance, he lunged. However, Godzilla, honed by years of experience battling other giant monsters such as him, fired his radiation breath at Megabambi. The blast struck Megabambi full in the chest, sending him flying into downtown New York. Godzilla yelled as closed in to continue the epic combat. Megabambi apparently thought the same as he raised himself from the wreckage, eager to continue the duel of destiny.

As the titans rushed at one another, the sky darkened. Was it to herald their furious showdown? No, it was to announce the end of days.

For the promised day had come and it was time for Cthulhu to awaken from his eternal slumber. His house in grim R'lyeh rose from out of the waves, a harbinger of the return of the Great Old Ones. The ancient city ascended into the heavens even as Cthulhu's awakening brought with it madness and chaos, the gifts of the Great Old Ones. All across the world populations were driven insane by Cthulhu's rising, his whispers no longer mere whispers. No, they were bellows and shouts now, revealing the strange and terrible truths man was not meant to know.

Yes, it was indeed the end of the world. Storms broke out all across the world, flooding the land and drowning all in sight. Volcanoes erupted, burying entire populations under the merciless lava. The ground shifted, causing massive earthquakes. Mountains crumbled and valleys were crushed, as if the Earth itself was wailing at the promised awakening of the Great Old Ones.

But Cthulhu had saved the most terrible for last. Not with flood or plague or storm would Cthulhu engulf the Earth. No, there were ways of spreading madness more befitting such a great and terrible being. The rain suddenly stopped, but before what survivors there were in the face of such devastation could gain any respite, it rained again, only this time, it was a more cruel rain. Raindrops did not fall now, no, but instead, there were… books. And as the books descended onto Earth, the shattered remnants of the human race looked upon them and despaired.

The dread lord Cthulhu had sent the greatest plague mankind would ever know: he had made it rain _Twilight_. The human race was buried under an unrelenting tide of cheesy, overly angsty, badly written teen vampire romance. And as Cthulhu gazed upon his new kingdom, he began to laugh, a laugh that shattered the minds and souls of all who heard it. Soon, he would lead this world on the dances of terror and madness across the stars, as he had done eons ago.

But Godzilla and Megabambi cared nothing for the fate of the world. As they saw R'lyeh floating toward the city, they felt a kind of joy. They felt Cthulhu's power, just as all life on Earth did. But rather than flinch at such power, they reveled in it. Here was power, true power. They gazed at R'lyeh, and saw a truly epic battle in store for them. The banded together, all enmity forgotten in the face of this new foe.

And so, with Soul Calibur's power in their grasp, did the heroes begin their quest to the cursed city, Ostrheinsburg, to battle Nightmare and vanquish Soul Edge for all time.

Wait…

Sorry, wrong story.

Thus, did Godzilla and Megabambi have a purpose. They would storm R'lyeh and face down the unspeakable horrors within and battle Cthulhu, not for the sake of the world or humanity, but because it sounded epically awesome.

The world and all of mankind hung in the balance.

We're all doomed.

**D.M.**

Meanwhile, in deep space, aboard a little blue police phone box floating, waiting for a new destination, Arthur Dent sat deep in thought as he contemplated all the things he had experienced on his travels. And suddenly, it all began to make sense.

"I think I've finally got it!" he said excitedly, "I know why 42's the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything!" At that, the Doctor rushed into the TARDIS control room, coat tails trailing behind him, red trainers flashing as he tried desperately to keep reality from imploding on itself.

"STOP!" he yelled. Meanwhile Arthur continued, too lost in thought to notice the Doctor's attempts.

"It's all because…"


End file.
